Everything I know in Life I Learned from F•R•I•E•N•D•S

• Never use "we were on a break" as an excuse

• Remember it's not that common it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal
• Everybody has a lobster
• Quitting the gym is just as hard as quitting the bank
• For more space in bed, use "hug and roll" technique
• Yemen is a good place to escape unwanted girlfriends
• You can do a lot with just cups and ice
• Always say the right name at the alter
• Powder and lotion will not help remove hot and sticky leather pants
• 'MAN BAGS' aren't manly
• Don't count 'MISSISSIPPILY' when in a tanning booth
• "HOW U DOIN" never fails
• If stung by a jellyfish, pee on it
• Never let a monkey near a tv remote
• Only in prison do they 'CUP' whilst measuring pants.
• It's not smelly cats fault
• Always read the whole make up letters all the way through, even if they are 18 pages long, FRONT AND BACK!
• You should leave your synth keyboard in the 80s where it belongs
• Never let slip to a child that they are infact adopted
• Meat is not an ingredient of trifle
• There is no such thing as SHARK PORN
• Your first name is not your 'FAMILY NAME
• Throwing your own wake is not a good way to meet women
• A 'day of fun' is a good way to know someone
• Everyone has an identical hand twin
• Eating too much meat can cause 'meat sweats'
• It's never too late to resurrect the routine, just don't change it
• REGINA PHALANGE and KEN ADAMS make great false names
• It is possible to drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds
• When moving a couch upstairs, PIVOT
• A silent auction is not a place to guess the right price
• Always double check your measurements when making an entertainment unit
• Playing too much on the arcade machine can lead to getting 'THE CLAW'
• UGLY, NAKED and GUY do not make for an attractive combination
• Never pose for a V.D. poster campaign
• 'PHEEBS' is short for phoebe, it's not just what we call our friends
• Never let a chick and a duck near a fussball table
• Wooden spoons and toy trucks make great massaging tools
• Never put your head in a turkey
• Taping oven mitts to your hands will prevent you from scratching chicken-pox
• Never bet your apartment in a game of 'WHO KNOWS WHO'
• Don't leave teeth whitening gel on for longer than recommended
• W.E.N.U.S stands for…… UMMM?….
• Everybody is entitled to a 'freebie' list of 5 celebrities they can sleep with if the opportunity arises
• There are 7 basic erogenous zones. Start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, a 3, a 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7… 7…. 7…. 7 7 7 7 7 7 SEVEN!